Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
