mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
