It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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