zippers are such a cool invention
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
