she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
