I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
