Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
