Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
