we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
