He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
