im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
