Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
