Dude my mom stole all your condoms
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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