Can Purell be used as lube?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
