so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
