Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
