As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
