I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
