look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
