if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
