I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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