farters have to be the big spoon...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
