You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
