hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
