covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
