then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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