Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
