Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
His nipple licking is glorious
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