this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
