why didn't you poke me back
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
