I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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