It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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