so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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