so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
two words...techno handjob
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
