yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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