I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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