My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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