We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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