This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
