I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My vagina just recognized that song.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
