Barsexuality is the new black.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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