I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
