so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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