I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
