im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
