I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
