Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
