Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Dick very happy bro
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
