He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
