so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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