Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
is wine microwaveable?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He shit in the fireplace
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
