Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
