I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
