Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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