im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
