His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
