I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
