I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
