I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
