Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
