I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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