Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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