god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
