Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
