just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
