She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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