textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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