The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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