he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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