I intend to get homeless drunk
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
