I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
