Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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