I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
