pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
