he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
