Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
