she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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