your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
