he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
