Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
