You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so let's talk penis.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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