Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
