remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
