last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
