Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize