You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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