Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
