Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
