DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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