that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
