She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize