Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
