i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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