What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I need to calm my uterus...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
