Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
